Saturday, January 08, 2011

Cryptic Tonsil

According to the radio, today is National Clean Off Your Desk Day. I, however, am choosing to exercise my god-given American right to celebrate every day as National Don't Tell Me What the Hell to Do Day.

So, I have a sore throat, which almost never happens. In fact, last time I had a cold was over two years ago. I was so appalled by the Terrible Betrayal that I actually took a flashlight this morning and looked at my throat in the mirror, and found one of my tonsils all swole up. Like Doubting Thomas, I had to touch it, and it has the size and approximate consistency of a shooter marble. It almost reaches my uvula (which I have always looked upon as the body part most nearly like those hangy-downy things that for unknown reasons obscenely caress the top of your luggage when it goes into the x-ray machine at the airport).

This just in: don't try to gargle with seasoned rice vinegar in warm water. Its failure as a therapeutic vinegar is second only to that of balsamic.

Added: I kind of suck at gargling.

So, anyway, I drove Mom and Dad and Anja up to the de Young in San Francisco to see the Impressionist exhibit. It was refreshingly not full of the paintings-I'm-ready-to-set-on-fire-because-I-have-seen-them-on-pretty-much-every-calendar-and-"inspirational"-wall poster-ever category, though, really, dude, I don't think even fat women need to be painted as though their torsos look like the bodies of annular worms.

To wit:


According to an article in Smithsonian Magazine from February, 2010, "As long ago as 1913, the American Impressionist Mary Cassatt wrote a friend that Renoir was painting abominable pictures 'of enormously fat red women with very small heads.'" I'm not sure I would agree with "enormously," though nor would I agree with L.A. County Museum of Art's Claudia Einecke, who claims, “He’s using the body for expressive purposes. Hopefully, nowadays, we understand that beauty or the body comes in many different shapes. People can stop saying, 'Oh yuck, these are ugly, fat women.'" I don't care that the women are fat, but that they LOOK LIKE ANNULAR WORMS. Maybe that was your impression, Renoir, but in this case I will say your impression was dumb.

Oh, and I don't have cryptic tonsils, I just really like the phrase.

4 comments:

evenly scattered said...

out of curiosity, what search words did you come up with to find a photograph of the "hangy downy things?"

growing up, my mom used to make a fresh ginger tea when we had sore throats. slippery elm and licorice are also worth looking into...feel better. happy new year too.

Blaize said...

I did an image search for x-ray luggage machine or some such combination. I was going to make some ginger tea tonight! I, unfortunately, really really dislike the taste of both slippery elm and licorice, but I did just have garlic soup. The salty liquid acts as a hypertonic solution, that actually takes down swelling. Happy New Year to you, too.

Anonymous said...

There's a subtext working here:
"hangy downy thingys" & luggage scanners
= bags
"Don't tell me what the hell to do day"
= don't tread on me.

Combined, I think you might be a closet teabagger.

all my best,
Obtuse lymph nodes
(aka arlopop)

Blaize said...

Oh, god, no!